What a Difference a Year Makes

Yesterday, I started a blog post for my one-year lungaversary cause, you know, it’s a big deal getting this year wrapped up. However, today I spent the morning at the University of Washington for my one-year check-up and now I’m in a different emotional state than I was yesterday. So all that work is now merely a personal journal entry and not for thine eyes. Let’s pretend it was profound and poetic, shall we?

I had all my regular appointments (x-ray, blood draw, lung function, transplant clinic) but it was extra meaningful for three reasons: one, today was the actual anniversary of the surgery. Two, my mom was with me. And three, we went up to the ICU and had a looksie.  

Going to the Cardiothoracic ICU today was the end of the journey of Sick Kim.  It was wonderful for me to walk through those doors, unassisted, looking like the healthy person I now am. I stood outside my hospital room door for a while, remembering those five weeks I spent in there (then transferred to the floor care for my last week or so). I was flooded with memories: my Christmas night freak-out with Scot having to restrain me from ripping out my tube; my first steps outside my room; my communication signs that Alayne made me; the balloons and 6 ft. Boy George cut-out from Ami; the blue pudding test for my trache; being awake for my a-fib heart restart and poor Scot trying to stop the doctors but they jolted me anyway; my sweet father looking at me so tenderly; and when, after 8 days, they finally gave me a feeding tube so I wasn't starving every time I woke up.

It was fantastic for me to see and thank the nurses and specialists who cared for me – and for them to see me. They spend the worst of the worst moments a person ever has with their patients in the ICU so to see someone being a regular, normal, everyday person after going through that validates why they do what they do.

This has been a very emotional holiday season for me as I remember distinctly how cruddy and intense things were leading up to this day last year (within ten days, I had my dry run, then an ambulance trip to the ER then The Call for Reals on top of feeling constantly fatigued since I was in the end stages of my disease). Additionally, after writing to my donor’s family last spring, I heard back from her daughter last week. My heart pours out bittersweet gratitude for my gift of life and their tragic loss.

Thank you all for your continued love, support and good wishes. My heart is too, too full.

From top left, clockwise: 1) today with Sam, an awesome floor care nurse. 2) balloons from Ami. Source of some crazy hallucinations (and, once we scaled back the drugs, source of happiness) 3) first time feeling like Kim again 4) 12/22/2012 -- all hooked up and lucid for that brief moment. Despite the thumbs up, it's safe to say I wasn't happy. 5) getting around the floor care halls on my walker 6) December 15, 2012...getting ready to say goodbye to Pulmonary Hypertension!